I’m angry that you did this to me.
That you touched somebody else, and she touched you. I keep replaying it. My insides fucking detach when I think of it. I am gone. What am I doing to myself.
I have flashbacks of looking in your eyes and it’s eating me from the inside out. I wish I could cut it out. I’m so angry that you would get mad at me, when I just wanted you to understand who I was. But I loved when you really saw me. And I saw you. I never wanted to make you mad.
Why was I never good enough for you. Why didn’t you ever trust me. You didn’t know any better. It was chaos. I don’t want to wake up, I don’t want to go to work. I’m so angry that I think of you in everything I see. I hate that you underestimated me, and walked all over me. And I hate that when you realized it you put yourself in immense guilt and depression.
You hurt yourself. I would let you kill me a hundred times. I hated seeing you in pain. I still remember, and it burns. That night you cried all night and threw up in the trash can, I wish you felt like that still. I do. We were so fucked up we couldn’t think straight. I still can’t. What held us together? You’re everywhere. The cars, places, apartments for rent, plants, my room, even my goddamn hands.
I wonder what you’re always doing.
I always am thinking of you and I know you aren’t doing the same.
I’m so angry to think of somebody else in your bedroom, and you touching her just like you touched me. Don’t touch her. Don’t touch her. Don’t touch her. I’m alone and I don’t know how to be without you.
I’m pissed off that I text you things that I regret and you don’t reply because you think I’m being fucking crazy. Why the fuck don’t you say something to me. I know you read it. Please respond its fucking killing me. Please respond to me. Talk to me. Remember me?
Don’t you remember me. I wanted to be apart of your crazy fucked up world. I wanted to live like nothing fucking mattered but you and i. You’re inside my fucking veins and I’m sorry you were my goddamn world for so long but you took it away from me and I don’t even know how to breathe and I need to hear you say my name again and love me again and I’m so pathetic but I don’t give a fuck.
I hate the sunshine and it reminds me of your vacation with her every second I feel the heat. You threw me somewhere alone and I’m drowning and coughing up everything in me and I’m begging for something to save me but you won’t. Why won’t you save me. Why won’t you save me. Why won’t you save me. Somebody save me.
You don’t know what this feels like.